Tuesday, October 28, 2008

cheap and chearful

Afternoon from the fish bowl. I had a whole blog post written in my head yesterday but once I arrived home I didn’t have the energy or drive to write anything. So I did what all good lazy people do, I watched Buffy until the wee hours of the morning. But I digress. So this is the post that should have been brought to life yesterday, sit back and enjoy.
I feel the need to talk about relationships. Relationships of all kinds. I have to ask myself, what makes relationships work and on the same hand, what makes relationships go array? (I honestly feel like Carrie Bradshaw now)
What defines a relationship? Why do relationships between people flourish? What do you see in someone that makes you want to pursue anything further. Evening in terms of friendship, what makes you take an encounter with someone and make it a friendship? Often, with friendships, I know right away whether I "click" with someone or not. I either feel that connection or I don`t. This either leads to me wanting to get to know the person or really not caring at all. I stay friendly most of the time but I really don’t push to get to know that person any more then I have to. As for relationships, I feel it works the same way. You either mesh with someone or you don’t. I`m a firm believer that all good things start fast and intense.
If you can love someone so intensely and then passionately hate them. Are these feelings so interchangeable? If they are, does that mean that love and hate are essentially the same emotion, just on different ends of the spectrum? Can we really trust that we will never go from one extreme or the other? Personally, I find that possibility realistic but scary. I`ve been in love with someone that I can say I hate. When referring to my sister I say I love her, but I hate her.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

going through the motions...

It was the best of times… all the best lines are already taken. Evening from the fish bowl. It is a beyond quiet night here and I`m loosing my mind from boredom and frankly all I want is to be on vacation.
I`m looking forward to a 4 day work week followed by 11 wonderful days on vacation. I`m also looking forward to being able to relax and not think of work or any stresses. And I am secretly happy to have my partner in crime, my AMN, back tomorrow to make work a little more exciting.
What to discuss that isn`t in the fish bowl? Something queer perhaps? Something different and new?
I`ve been posting a small bit on a forum I`ve been a part of for 5 years now and they have been asking some interesting questions that I would like to address here.
Someone had written a post about "cuddle buddies," as opposed to "Fuck buddies." This actually got me thinking. How much is physical affection (between either friends or lovers) important to you. I am a very affectionate person. I say with pride that I`m bringing hugs back to RBC. When I enter work I stop at about 4 or 5 friends desks to give them a hello hug (or goodbye hug if they are leaving.) Now I don’t go around hugging everyone I work with, just a special few. But I do "high five," "fist punch" etc several people. I think affection among friends is important. When you are having a horrible day and are feeling low, just a simple hug will make anyone feel better. In a job like this where you can be verbally attacked and mentally drained at any point, the slight idea that someone both understands you and is willing to take the time to share a little affection, this goes a long way. I like the fact that there are other people here who feel the same way as I do. Affection is an important part of bonding and it states a close friendship and trust between individuals. A hug is comfort and consoling, its warm and reassurance. I like that I can have this when I need a boost during the day.
Outside the fish bowl, I`m the same way. I still hug and show affection without really thinking about other peoples reactions. (Limited PDA though, I draw that line.) When I`m watching a movie from the couch, I`m a big fan of cuddling and being affectionate, that’s just me.
So what about you? Are you a cuddler?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

If my heart could beat it would break my chest

Evening from the fish bowl. Its an average night here at RBC and I can`t help but feel grumpy as all hell today. I slept horribly last night and wouldn`t have slept at all if I hadn`t given up and taken gravol. The short version is that I`m a bitch today.
I am feeling really lonely of late. Since I am newly on a schedule of 3:15 to 11:15 and I miss the sunlight. I am so used to looking out of the fish bowl and seeing the sun as opposed to seeing the night sky. As well I now work Sunday to Thursday so I loose the joys of full weekends off. So with the new schedule I don`t seems to see anyone anymore. Its too late to talk to anyone and the only interaction I seem to have is with the cats.
I just generally feel shitty today...

Monday, October 20, 2008

Video of the Week

My new favorite queer couples in a fab tribute:


sleep now

Hugs and puppies

Another day in the fish bowl. My vacation is slowly approaching and I really can`t wait. 7 days and nights relaxing on the white sands of Varadero. But sadly for now I have to continue dreaming of the beach.
It was an amazing day yesterday here at work. I generally enjoy work but when I work with a certain coworker I tend to have a blast. For future reference she will be known as Awesome Miss "N" or "AMN" for short. I have known AMN for a few months now as we both worked on a training bay together. Obviously we were both pretty focused on the training of the "littlins" and I never got a chance to get to know the true power of her awesomeness. Fast forward a few month, and Miss "N" is a manager with me. Other then a few "hey hows it going`s" neither of us had really spoken since that training bay, but none the less I was excited to be working with her a little more closely (minds out of the gutter people, she`s straight as an arrow.) To my amazement she turned out to be as much a pervert as myself (double points for her!) and to be as sex obsessed as yours truly (10 big gold stars to her for that!) After a week of training, and a week back on the much loved phones (my poor neglected cell phone…) she and I have built a pretty intense connection and she is easily my favorite person here. Last nights shift was the first shift that we both worked at the same time and I had so much fun. Its not often I connect with people the way I seem to with AMN. I really think I have or could have a deep friendship with her. I like that she is so accepting and easy going. This all seems to have come out of no where, but I certainly will not complain. She is fun, easy to talk to, makes me laugh and seems to know when I need a hug. I feel like I`ve known her all my life. (I know that`s corny deal with it, this king can get sappy once and a while!) I like the awkward little moments we have when we both get nervous over something one of us has said, its both funny and endearing when this happens. The gist of the whole post is to say that AMN is one amazing person (hence the name!) and I look forward to getting to spend more time with her. (as long as my cats don’t kill her!)

P.S (added at almost 2am) most importantly, she makes me smile, smile like very few people can ever make me smile or feel... and I appreciate that...

Peace out until next time!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

below the mason dixon line...

Greeting from the fish bowl. It’s a quiet night as a manager here at the bank and I`m in the mood to blog. I`ve had many themes running through my head to blog about but sadly I have found very little time to get anything on paper. So I suggest that you sit back, relax and enjoy my madness.

I was in the gay village a week or so ago and I found myself thinking about my first time there. I remember hearing that there was such a thing as a "gay village" in the city. I was a naive 20 year old sitting across the only other gay person I knew in the Wendy`s lunch room. I remember working up the courage to walk down the street. I remember being unsure what to expect. I also remember thinking that there was very few women present. It was a weird experience, being there. I didn`t know where I should go or what I should do. All I ended up doing was walk up and down the 4 or 5 blocks that the village consists of and finally I entered a video store because it seemed like a safe alternative. Over the last 6 years my views on the village have changed. I used to love being in the village. I would only go out there and it was my favorite place to each and relax. I never missed a pride parade and until this year I marched with whatever group I was involved with. Now I feel tired of the village. Its overdone and boring. I walk down the street and really see the people who are there. Its become a circus that I don`t want to be a participate in. It has gotten old and it feels like a part of my life I no longer need.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Bunnies, it must be bunnies

Morning gentler readers. I`m trying to keep myself awake so that I sleep in tomorrow and in turn survive my shift until 3am. So here I sit, caught up in an atrocity. My arch nemesis, Katy Perry of fake lesbian fame, will be a doll by Christmas.
(see http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1595852/20080929/katy_perry.jhtml)
Frankly, its bad enough seeing and hearing her all over the TV and radio (yes people actually listen to the radio,) now children can collect a 12 inch version of her and they too can toy with bisexuality and/or lesbianism. My issue with Katy Perry is far from hidden. She promotes negative stereotypes for both gay and straight women. Her songs are everywhere with their catchy refrains that anyone will find themselves humming. Her lyrics are camouflaged in plain sight, you don't even know they`re singing something offensive.
I`m going to leave it at that for tonight, but tune in tomorrow for my take on Katy Perry part 2.