Sunday, January 18, 2009

its very unhealthy it can make the sane go crazy

Good evening gentle readers. Its a dead night at the fish bowl and I feel like writing. Maybe its because I am moved to write after this last week or maybe its because its just us guys here at work tonight and throwing things and unplugging computers is beyond my enjoyment. So, as always, sit back, relax and get your feet wet.

Not so happy returns:
Obama will be sworn in this Tuesday. I`ve been on the Obama band wagon for much of his campaign and now I feel as though I am loosing hope for any change for my brothers and sisters in the states. Obama has asks controversial Californian Reverend Rick Warren to give the invocation at his inauguration. In case you don`t know who Rev.Warren is, he was one of the outspoken church members (during the prop 8 campaign) who equated homosexuality to pedophilia and bestiality. Personally, I don’t have a lot of faith behind his choice of representation. He stated that America should "come together despite disagreement's on some social issues." I guess he wants all amercians to come together and support him, despite the fact that they have minimal rights. So, what would he say if we told him, "take a seat at the back of the bus but hold that American flag high while you do it." I think Richard Burnett of the Montreal Hour said it best this week in his weekly column 3 dollar bill: "As for Obama, let me remind him that on Jan. 20 he is putting his hand on the Bible to uphold the U.S. Constitution, not putting his hand on the Constitution to uphold the Bible."

Greys is going, going gone:
Greys Anatomy has lots another character. Melissa George, who was originally intended on playing a bisexual character - which was soon dropped as quick as Brooke Smiths career, has ended an quick as it begun. Apparently the writers have changed the characters path so many times that the actress felt it was time to leave. CBS has run this once amazing and fresh show into the ground. I personally, gave it up when they killed the Callie/Erika story line earlier this season. (see prev blogs) This season has made me feel cheated in terms television and queer content. Here's to a better 2009.

Butch/Femme connection:
I have been putting a lot of thought into the way butch and femme women interact. Don`t get me wrong, you can love whomever you love, but there is no connection like that between a butch and a femme. It`s hard to think that anyone can understand you more then a femme. We`ve both been hurt, each in our own way but the none the less the same. We`ve both had to defend ourselves based on our looks. I`m not saying I could never love another butch, that’s the farthest from the truth, but a femme, sweet, sweet femmes, they know how to sooth a butches soul and help heal those wounds we rarely want to admit is there. Femmes know how to bring us back out again…

So that is all this evening. Its taken be 3 hours to jot all this down. I`m feeling a tad unbalanced this evening. All I really want is to crawl into bed with someone and wait out the storm. Frankly my bed is way too lonely...

I leave you with a copy of my new tattoo. Its for my grandma, who passed away almost 10 years ago.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

I dont care what they say, I`m in love with you

Greetings from the fish bowl. Its been a few weeks since we've spoken, despite the fact that I have had many things worth writing about. This post may seem a little "all over the place" but assuming you have read anything I've written prior to this, you wont be surprised.

I spent some time at the hospital this past week. I had to run a few tests to make sure that my kidneys work the way all good kidneys do. Thankfully, they in fact do work perfectly and I was given a clean bill of health. The physical experience and treatment I received while at this hospital were deplorable. I generally avoid the east end of the city as much as possible. Its excessively French and much less open minded. While at the hospital I encountered several individuals that treated me rudely because of my gender ambiguity and identity. I really felt like I was living Stone Butch Blues. Even on my second visit I encountered a doctor, who on 3 occasions, (within a 5 minute span) called me sir, despite my constant corrections. I left there feeling violated, shamed and dirty, like I wasn’t "fish nor fowl." I live my life the way I want. I'm a drag king, a gender queer, a boi etc. I don’t need anyone to treat me like a freak of nature or even as a "what." This lovely experience lead me to a break down Friday night (aided by alcohol) that my poor *love* had to endure and talk me out off.

I started back to the gym, 4 to 5 days a week - 2 hours a pop. I will be going on vacation in November and have a goal weight loss of 50 pounds. If I can loose that then I will wear a bikini top on the cruise *my love* and I would like to take (or a trip to Mexico if a friend will be joining us.) I have spent my life heavy and have decided now that I am 27 and not getting any younger (not like I ever got younger) that this is the time to finally loose the weight I have been piling on over the years. I am faced with the situation that I will not take anything other then the weight loss. I will not accept failure.

I got my 4th tattoo this past Friday. It’s a nautical star with my grandmothers initials. My Grammy was my direction in life and the relative that I identify with most. Its healing and I seems to forget every time how annoying the healing process can be. I am happy that I waited until the beginning of 09 to do it. 2009 will be my year and I am happy that I started it off with a new marking.

Anyway, ladies and gentleman, back to the fish bowl. I hope the new year brings you everything you wish for. Be good and be safe.