Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Into your eyes/Hopeless and taken/We stole our new lives/Through blood an pain/In defense of our dreams

Good evening gentle viewers. I hope this finds you having a pleasant evening. I know I haven't been around a lot lately. In only 3 weeks I will have Internet access that will allow me to post on a more consistent basis. I feel like I have 300 things to talk about and I`m trying to prioritize my brain to cause minimal impact to your sanity.
Its been almost 6 months since my close friend and colleague passed away. Also in 2 days it would have been her 3 year anniversary at RBC, an occasion she`ll never see. She has been in my thoughts a lot in the last few weeks. I have done my best to remember all the good things about her, but frankly I just miss her so damn much. So many little things make me think about her and how unfair I feel life is. It still feels raw and far from "healing," which is a cruel feeling. I still have a hard time believing I`ll never see her again.
I received an email from someone I knew years ago. Essentially it was a "coming out" email and from what I gathered (and what she insinuated) this was the first time that she had made any outward expression of her sexuality. Firstly, I was immensely touched that she had reached out to me. In life you are rarely given the opportunity to support someone through something that, at times is traumatic, and often is extremely difficult. I sincerely hope that I can be of at least some help. Secondly, I flashed to a conversation I had with a friend I worked with way back at Wendy`s. She had asked why I put myself out there so much as a gay individual. I responded simply that if I could make life easier for one person, if I could have a positive impact on one person in life, then all the pain, all the fighting would be worth it. And situations like this really do make me feel like there is a pay off for all the work.
I guess that should be it for the evening. I have no desire to overload you with my brain farts this evening. I should, of course, be getting my ass to bed soon. I am looking forward to being able to write more often for you all. I appreciate everyone of you and the comments I`ve received. I truly do appreciate having you here and knowing that we all have a connection. I wish you all sweet dreams and happy days.

Until next time.

1 comment:

King apparel Tee said...

Yeah, I missed your posts. Good thing, you wrote back.