Monday, November 30, 2009

how long have I been in this storm/so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form/water's getting harder to tread/with these waves crashing over my head

Afternoon gentle viewers. Its been a few weeks since I have had the opportunity to sit here with you all. I managed to service my vacation and the subsequent week that followed. The cruise was truly amazing. Despite some sea sickness the trip was a once in a lifetime experience. The "getting" to Tampa was some of the roughest traveling I have every done. I thought I was going to loose my mind even before our trip began. I woke up in a panic and thought I was going to have a heart attack. I was pacing the apartment, I ate easily 4 ginger gravol and popped 2 regular gravol before we were even able to leave the house. I thought I was going to loose it completely. I did everything that my therapist had helped me with. I had water to center me, made sure to breathe and paced to help calm my head. I was given no choice but to get over it and get in a cab to the airport. I was excited and in the vacation mode so I managed to shake the anxiety until Atlanta where I began to freak out again. Thankfully I managed on to my better half managed to get me on a plane and within an hour and a half we had landed in Tampa ahead of schedule. The flights were all early without any turbulence, I highly recommend traveling with Delta airlines!
Despite a small hiccup with anxiety before leaving for the boat the day was smooth sailing. We arrived at the pier, sent our luggage onto the ship with a porter, bought some wine and juice and within a half hour we were stepping onto the Carnival Legend! We enjoyed 7 beautiful days on the boat, with trips where were did cave tubing, swam with sting rays and visited 2 of the most beautiful beaches I have ever seen. The service was amazing and we were treated like royalty daily.
I appreciate the support I received and am happy to see you all enjoying my insanity. Thank you for being there. 

1 comment:

CupCake said...

I have been experiencing panic attacks since the age of 12. So for the last 13 years I have been carrying water, mints and gravol with me every where I go. My anxiety got in the way of my life, and I lost a lot of my teenage and early 20's to living in fear of my panic attacks thinking that every time I tried to do something new or go somewhere that I was unfamiliar with that I would have a panic attack, and then I would panic about feeling panic. It was a vicious cycle.

Then I realized that all of my anxiety attacks were just my flight or fight response out of wack. That I was experiencing symptoms (blood running cold, tingling up the back of my neck, breaking into a sweat, pounding heart, dry throat and difficult time swallowing, light headedness, you name it) that convinced my mind that something bad was going to happen, when in reality, nothing bad was going to happen. Once I stopped resisting the anxiety attacks and learned to "ride the panic wave" I found that all of my symptoms started disappearing. I haven't had a panic attack since April now, and I feel awesome.

Once you start realizing what is triggering your anxiety and WHY you body is having that reaction, it makes the whole experience a lot less scary. I also looked up something called Z Point online and start listening to a recording I got from there that really allowed me to let go of the fear of my anxiety.

I hope that you are able to really transform your anxiety issues so they stop creating obstacles in your road in life. I know how hard it can be. I'm also glad to see that you went on your vacation and had an awesome time!

Sorry for the long-winded comment. I just how how life with anxiety can be so thought I'd share.