Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Somewhere in her smiles she knows, that I dont need no other lover

Evening gentle readers. It is 3am and I find myself drawn to writing in the darkness of my room on this cold winter night. The room is dark other then the light from my computer and the gentle hum of The Beatles sings to me.
I`m feeling a little controversial this early morning. It is a subject I have had in mind and ranted about on more then one occasion. As a very open, gay women in a predominantly hetero workplace sometimes it can be a little overwhelming. Its easy to be caught up in the attention that one receives from straight women and at the same time it can loose you. I cannot count the times I have been called the perfect man/boyfriend/partner if only I were male. I don't really think I can be flattered by these compliments any more then I would be happy being the runner up in an election. Why are gay woman the secondary cast and never the stunning lead? We are the safe alternative, the ones who can be flirted with because we are safe and in no way a threat. Its safe because things wont go too far and you cant or wont be called easy for flirting with another women. Its almost as if its a game, to prove that they are indeed have the ability to attract men and also women. It makes me feel used and dirty to realize that this goes on. It makes me feel objectified... and lonely.
The year 2008 is almost at a close. I`ve finished the year a few steps ahead of where I was last time around. I`ve got a few new questions and a few new headaches. I just want to keep moving upwards and I promise I`ll keep writing. I hope you`ll come along for the ride.

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