Sunday, January 11, 2009

I dont care what they say, I`m in love with you

Greetings from the fish bowl. Its been a few weeks since we've spoken, despite the fact that I have had many things worth writing about. This post may seem a little "all over the place" but assuming you have read anything I've written prior to this, you wont be surprised.

I spent some time at the hospital this past week. I had to run a few tests to make sure that my kidneys work the way all good kidneys do. Thankfully, they in fact do work perfectly and I was given a clean bill of health. The physical experience and treatment I received while at this hospital were deplorable. I generally avoid the east end of the city as much as possible. Its excessively French and much less open minded. While at the hospital I encountered several individuals that treated me rudely because of my gender ambiguity and identity. I really felt like I was living Stone Butch Blues. Even on my second visit I encountered a doctor, who on 3 occasions, (within a 5 minute span) called me sir, despite my constant corrections. I left there feeling violated, shamed and dirty, like I wasn’t "fish nor fowl." I live my life the way I want. I'm a drag king, a gender queer, a boi etc. I don’t need anyone to treat me like a freak of nature or even as a "what." This lovely experience lead me to a break down Friday night (aided by alcohol) that my poor *love* had to endure and talk me out off.

I started back to the gym, 4 to 5 days a week - 2 hours a pop. I will be going on vacation in November and have a goal weight loss of 50 pounds. If I can loose that then I will wear a bikini top on the cruise *my love* and I would like to take (or a trip to Mexico if a friend will be joining us.) I have spent my life heavy and have decided now that I am 27 and not getting any younger (not like I ever got younger) that this is the time to finally loose the weight I have been piling on over the years. I am faced with the situation that I will not take anything other then the weight loss. I will not accept failure.

I got my 4th tattoo this past Friday. It’s a nautical star with my grandmothers initials. My Grammy was my direction in life and the relative that I identify with most. Its healing and I seems to forget every time how annoying the healing process can be. I am happy that I waited until the beginning of 09 to do it. 2009 will be my year and I am happy that I started it off with a new marking.

Anyway, ladies and gentleman, back to the fish bowl. I hope the new year brings you everything you wish for. Be good and be safe.

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