Kappa Kappa Eat My Pie

This is an open letter the universe:


Dearest Universe,
You fucking suck! I originally wanted to call you a big stupid head but thought the latter was a stronger way to get your attention. Now, back to you sucking. You make me believe everything is okay. You wait until I`m happy and I don`t see you coming. You wait until I expect that my life is changing and that for once I`m coming out the winner. Then you sit back, grab an ice cold beer, and make me suffer. And it amuses you. In fact, it amuses your friends and family that you invite over to watch me in pain. First you gave her doubts, which made her distant. Then you made her cheat but I fucked you over cause I forgave her. Then you convinced her to break up with me but kept the love there so I couldn't live without her. And last but not least you took her away so I would love her more then anything but not have her to touch or kiss. Thanks a lot fucktard! Its appreciated. What more would you like. I`m alone, miserable and seriously in need of hitting something. Every little joy I have concerning her, you take away. You won`t be happy until I hate her and am totally alone. Then you`ll let me think I have some self worth, slowly so I don`t get too cocky, maybe give her back to me and start the waiting game all over again.
So here`s what I am going to do. I`m not giving up on her. I`m going to fight. I`m not throwing in the towel and I`m going to get her back. So fucking you, you bastard. This is war and I`m going to win. You couldn't`t possibly do more to me then you already have. Bring it on!

Sincerely,

Cory

p.s kiss my ass

When I was a boy...

I`m taking advantage of a slow day here at visa to bring you our regularly scheduled programing of boi fun. I know you all love me, face it, I`m irresistible.
So I am sitting here, well dressed, because when I feel like crap I dress well. So seeing me in a suit and tie is indicative of me not sleeping well or having had a a fight with *My Love.* Now you know a little bit more about my weird twisted self, now you`ll sleep better.
I feel like shit. But I dont feel the need to rant to you today. (please stop cheering.) I dont know really what to say today. I don't feel like doing anything, let alone selling cards and services to people who just want their balance. I`m a customer service agent. I`m here to smile and help. And as fate would have it I have no desire to help.
So if you see me walking down the street, give me a hug or a pat on the back. I dont get either of them and wouldn't mind the appreciation.
Peace out!

Billy

American Idol sucks...

Its a quiet Wednesday night and I have nothing to do but subject myself to American idol. Nothing seems right anymore. The apartment is empty, nothing smells, tastes or feels right to me. I don't care about the dishes or even remotely making this place livable. All I do is live in a haze and try and make it to the next day where I can work and forget everything out of my 8x10 box. I don't want to come home. I don't want to eat. She is all I think about, she is my everything and I wont feel whole again until she is back in my arms again. I miss you baby...

Well arent we a dumbass

Tonight is my first night in my own apartment. I cant bring myself to go to sleep yet. Its quiet and lonely here and I`m not quite sure what to do with myself. Its cold and dark and I feel lost. I have my cats here, equally confused by the situation.
I don't know what to do anymore. I`m torn and confused and frankly just want a drink. I just want to hide under a rock. Oddly enough I wish someone would just take care of me right now. Wrap themselves around me and for those few minutes let me believe that life was ok...

Its all fun and games until someone gets hurt... then its hilarious

Afternoon gentle readers. I intended to rant today and spent days formulating an angry post about this weekends events. Now sitting here in my newly cleaned kitchen, being stalked by angry and confused kitties, I do not seem to have the heart for hatred.
*My Love* is in the living room packing her things. Which, despite the fact that I know this move will be good for her, is difficult. I did not act myself Friday when first faced with her apartment. In fact I was downright mean. I know that I wouldn't like any place she chose to live and lashed out at her over this. Of course this lead to a full day of fighting and treating one another like shit. We were both mean and said things that took a mountain of apologizing to work out afterwords.
I spent Saturday helping her paint, knowing that if I didn't help then she would be alone to deal, which is not my style. I did my best and behaved knowing that one more outburst would seal our fate forever. And knowing that this is the last weekend we have together made me realize what I could loose if I acted immaturely.
Again, sitting here, watching the boxes pile up does not make me a much happier person. In fact I am regretting finishing off the beer yesterday. I know next weekend will be even harder and am not in any place, both physically or mentally, to face it. I am definitely worried about where I am going to go. I know my dark side (or "all Emo" lol) and I am kinda freaked out. I don't want to act the way I have in the past. My biggest enemy is feeling like I have no control. That is the key to my life: control. There are every few situations where I let myself lose control or even give that control away to anyone. I have to have a lot of trust in someone to do that.
I just don't know where to go anymore. I feel like I cant be happy because everytime I step back and say, "wow things are awesome," BANG! A lightening bolt crashes down from the heavens and I get knocked back down a few pegs. Needless to say, I don't like that so much. Let me rephrase that, it fucking sucks! Damn I need a drink.
I am truly sorry for you, my gentle readers, having to sit through this insanity. And let me assure you that I will eventually see a therapist instead of dumping all my craziness on you poor saps... I mean Friends. :) Things will have to look up soon because I don't have the money to drink myself silly on a nightly basis and if I do have that option I will be too drunk to type anyway. See its looking up for you...

I`m a creep, I`m a looser

Ever listen to a song and think, "wow they wrote this about me?!?" well thats how I feel. I`m feeling like shit this weekend. I thought I was okay with letting life just happen but it seems the minute I take my hands of the controls, life slams me into a brick wall instead of taking a right turn. My weekend started out so promising. And so easily it went up in flames. I just wanted to forget the world right now. I am actually looking forward to going back to work tomorrow and forgetting everything else. I find myself falling on old habits of dealing with life and I dont think my body, especially my liver, is very hapy about it.
Life is spinning and I dont seem dont seem to be able to hold on. Change is scary and I dont know if I`m ready for it.

*But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxpblnsJEWM

its been a long time

Well gentle readers its been a long time. And I bet you are thinking, "who the hell is this guy?" Life has been crazy. After 6 years in fast food hell I finally left. Despite my unhappiness in fast food I went kicking and screaming. Now I work for RBC in there visa call center. Calm down now, I dont call when you dont pay. I am the poor sap you yell at when you dont understand interest. So, here I am, 5 weeks into my training and actually loving every minute of it.

Life is what you make of it. I`ve decided that my life has been too planned and the best things that have happened have hit me like a mack truck. Its all in what you send out to the universe. I have had some amazing things pop out of not expecting anything. The people you meet, the experiences you have are that much more intense when you dont see it coming.

As for gender, the jury is still out on that one. I have gotten to bring Billy out a few times and I realized I missed him. I missed putting him together piece by piece. The tie, the vest, the hat... all these pieces that make him Billy. I also get a kick out of how other people react to him. How the girls cream for him and the guys admire him. Thats the life.